Friday, Sept. 24, 2004 9:54 p.m.

Wrong Plane!
Today Kenneth is:

Well I know it’s been a while. But I have been busy, honestly.
I went to a funeral on Tuesday, the man whose funeral it was, his name was Kenneth too, so I found that hard to swallow.
It was also MJ’s Grandfather.
Now I don’t like funerals and I always sit there breaking my little heart, no matter if I knew them or not. You just do don’t you.
It was hard to be there for myself and for MJ.
Stupidly enough I said to MJ’s dad at the end of the wake “Thank You for inviting me, I had a nice time”….What an IDIOT!
I didn’t mean it like that, I meant I enjoyed time getting to hear the stories about Kenneth, who he was, what he did, about his life.
I enjoyed seeing the photos and seeing people remember their happy times with him.
MJ’s Mum said that was what it was about and she knows Kevin (that’s MJ’s Dad) would take comfort in what I said as that’s what he set out to do.

I also went up to Mums for a few days to see her while Dad was golfing in France.
So been here and there a bit.

MJ went to Canada today. I went up to hers last night and stayed and then went with her this morning to the airport.
She flew at 12.45pm afternoon. I waited for her plane to take off before I left.
This is typical of me, I said to her that I would wait for her flight to leave before I left the airport.
So I tell her I’ll wait until the plane goes and I’ll stand at the departure lounge and wave to her.
I see the Thomas Cook plane taxing out to leave, so I grab Tyler (he’s a giraffe she got me, a toy one) and me and Tyler are waving, I’m in tears.
The plane leaves…..
I was waking to leave the airport for the train station, and I see on the board that the plane for Canada is still at the gate (What!).
She I ask this woman at Thomas Cook and she tells me the plane that just left was the one for Malaga and Canada leave in 10minutes.
…Typical, it only happens to me doesn’t it!
I race back with Tyler to the Departure lounge, just in time for the correct plane, instead of being in tears this time, I’ve got this smile on my face and I’m telling her I love her, and I don’t care what the people around me think, I’m just telling her that she’s in my heart.
I felt my heart go up in my throat. But I think that was because in my headphones I’m listening to Faith Hill There You’ll Be
. But the plane left and I went home, I got here about 4ish this afternoon, I’m quite tired, but MJ is still in the air and will be for another hour and 24minutes (No, not like I am counting, what gave you that idea), I’m going to stay awake until about midnight, then she will have been there an hour.

I really miss her and I want the two weeks to go really fast for me, but slow for her so she can enjoy.
I don’t want to have to do this again, next time I go with her. I just don’t know how I’m going to keep it real for these two weeks.
I’m panicking, I’ve said this to her. But the last time I went with someone to the airport, they didn’t come back, and I’ve said to her, I’m scared she’s not coming back.
I know she has to come back, this is her home, and this is where she works. But it’s not to say she has to come back to me.
I’m scared, but I need to stop being paranoid and just look at this as a breathing space between us.

MJ I miss you honey, you get yourself back here safe! I Love You.
One hour and seven minutes to go. Hang in there sweetheart, I know you don’t like the long flights but your doing fine, I’m with you always.