Sunday, Jun. 05, 2005 9:51 p.m.

Tyler and Me
Today Kenneth is:

I feel really sick right now.
My hands are all twitching and I feel really hot and I’m sweating, I’m not hot and I’m not ill or anything.
I just feel like someone’s ripped my damn heart out my chest, stamped on it and put it back in.

MJ and I. We had a talk last night and the outcome of this is, I’ve told her she needs to spend some time to herself to find out what it is she really needs and really wants.
She asked for two weeks, and I’m going to leave her be for two weeks to find her answers.
I know its two weeks, but it feels like I’m not going to get her back.
I don’t want to lose her, but I want her to be sure that it's me she wants.

What it’s been about 5 minutes, and I’m killing myself here, I’ve just looked out the window for the five times I’ve seen a car drive by, just hoping that its her, that she’s gonna come running to me to tell me I’m everything she wants and that she cant live without me.
I know, I know, its stupid and its not going to happen.

I feel so bad for doing this, I feel so bad for allowing myself to just let her take this time to herself.
But I’m not going back on my word to stay out of this for two weeks, and by god its killing me already not to.

It’s at times like this when you do notice who really does hold the key to your heart. I just hope at the end of this, she finds her answers and that I’m one of them.
I just cant live without her …

But until then it’s just me and Tyler.